Snape the chicken is sent to KFC
by jjblue2
Summary: And other extremely funny comedy about Snapes mishaps from his own diary.
1. snapes confessions

Snape's Diary

Entry no.1

Today the annoying smart alec Harry Potter and the stupid orange haired kid ignored me all day this summer. So I decided to turn them into disgusting fat little piggies. once that was done I t decided to raise them on my mother's farm and visit them every day. I decided to change their names, I changed the boy who lived name into daisy, and I changed the annoying orange haired kid's name into barney. I soon started to fall in love with daisy and barney.

Soon i deicded that they would cause me no harm contented and decided to turn them back into kids when, one day they kissed me with their pig tongues on my nose.

As soon as I turned them back they jumped right on top of me shouting bother, bother over and over again.

Soon my man diaper was full from worry. Daisy and Barney then left from the stench, but the memory will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Entry no.2

When the break from Hogwarts was over I returned to school to teach potions class. My self confidence died when I saw Daisy and Barney [who are now once again harry potter and orange haired kid.] As soon as class started they started throwing dwarfs at me and I flew from the room while the children were applauding.

Over the year they continuously got worse and worse. I decided to turn them all into fat chimps just to save myself. Unfortunately they just dressed me up in tar and threw me in a bucket of magical feathers. I am now writing this as a chicken on the way to KFC. I will soon to be turned into delicious meat.

These are my last words.

Sincerely,

Snape the potions master

Authors note:

I hope u liked this tale if u want more review, review, REVIEW!

also tell me if u want more entries on snape's diary


	2. Snapes escape

Snapes diary [continued]

Entry no.3

I was relieved when I somehow survived the attack of the KFC cooks; they said they had found some old mold and dandruff on me and that I was just plain ugly with an extremely long nose. They then threw me in the trash can while I was cussing in chicken.

I soon got out of the trash can and out onto the road where, in my first step of glory fell in a sewer.

Entry no.4

Once I had gotten out of the torturous dungeon of sewage I quickly became human when I was at the doorsteps of Hogwarts when the headmaster noticed that the chicken was extremely ugly and figured out it was me. "Hello, Severus" Dumbledore said in his annoying squeaky girl voice. "I groaned and cussed more in chicken. I soon went back to teaching. The first class had potter in it. "hey, look everybody, it's a diseased KFC reject chicken. Let's boil it!'

I then ran [while screaming like a girl] out of the room running for my life.

Entry no.5

I decided I needed a vacation from my Hogwarts life and ran away when I saw the orange haired kid whispering about me. I then decided to go live with the wolves for a short vacation of a few years.

When I got to the wolf den I was nervous but quickly fell in love with the place when I saw all the human parts just ready for examination.

Entry no.6

I am now back at Hogwarts teaching potions once again. The whole "Living with the wolves" thing didn't work out. As soon as I greeted my fellow vermin they attacked me, while running away they were shouting in wolf. They stated bother, bother, over and over.

remember if u like the story review!


	3. the ccm crazy cat monkeys

Snape's Diary part 3

Entry no.7

Well another dreadful day has gone by since my dream of living with the wolves has been destroyed. You are the only thing I have left my dear, dear diary. So I will continue writing in you. Today I went to a muggle place named McDonalds they gave me a dreadful thing they like to call a hamburger. I took my first bite and immediately caught diarrhea. The rest of my day was spent in the bathroom.

Entry no.8

I have decided after much thinking that, first of all that I don't like thinking, but mainly that I don't like my whole day being spent in the bathroom. I have continued my work at Hogwarts and, as soon as I started working again, the teachers have started a rumor that I sleep with a teddy bear named berry. Which is completely untrue, my teddy bears name is Donald.

Entry no.9

After I got the teddy bear thing solved with the other teachers I ate my lunch. During the blissful silence of my lunch I overheard some teachers in the hallway talking about me. They were whispering about my candy unicorn that I ate earlier. I quickly decided that they were jealous and went to turn them into chickens.

Entry no.10

Well it turned out the teachers were actually talking about the mold and dandruff in my hair and so I quickly apologized about the whole throwing fireballs at them thing.

I was once again in the middle of potions class when suddenly the ccm [crazy cat monkeys ] jumped in and kidnapped me I quickly prayed that my unicorn was there with me.


End file.
